I Survived Corona

submitted 5.1 years ago by PuttItOut

I know many of you have been wondering what happened to your benevolent, patient, wise, beautiful (women can verify this), intelligent, and most of all kind hearted and loving administrator. It is only by the hand of God that I’m here to tell the story.

Nearly 10 months ago I entered a contest to taste test COVID-18. COVID-18 was a secret hot sauce developed by the Chinese and they planned to use it to put Tabasco out of business (damn communists).

An unfortunate thing happened during the taste test. The Chinese use hot sauce on bat wings. COVID-18 was so strong that when used on bat wings, it bonded with the bat wing blood and formed COVID-19. We basically unknowingly ate COVID-19. The positive side is that it tasted great.

It’s been a constant chore to stay ahead of the virus (it’s round so it rolls very fast and is hard to get away from). The only known cure isn’t a cure at all, it is simply a deterrent.

Toilet paper.

Scientists have found that if you surround yourself in a giant fort of toilet paper and tie it together with baby wipes it takes the power away from COVID-19. I built the largest toilet paper castle I could. NASA says you can see it from space.

I recommend each of you go out and buy as much toilet paper as possible and bury yourself underneath it. Toilet paper is an unlimited and cheap resource available to us all so no excuses.

I’m still recovering but I’ll try to get back and ban a few people soon (I see you rabble-rousers).

P.S. COVID-18 is perfectly safe on chicken wings and it’s better than Tabasco. Fact.

P.P.S. I hope it doesn’t rain soon.

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gramman74 5.1 years ago

For the love of GOD block Allforfunlife.com!

link

obvious-throwaway- 5.1 years ago

Dear Leader PuttItOut,

If I may so inquire by piggybacking off the top comment. There was talk at the water cooler that a certain subforum, /v/GreatAwakening, of the bastion of free speech known as Voat was, dare I say, banning people for speech. Obviously, I was taken aback by this and with great concern immediately reached out to the moderator of said subforum, @Crensch, and inquired if there were any truth to the scandalous rumor that he was being quote, "an edgelord faggot". I was promptly banned from that subforum. When I conveyed my concerns to @Crensh, he informed me as such, "I can do whatever the fuck I want faggot, it's in the rules, so eat a fat cock and die".

True to his word and without even posting something at the /v/GreatAwakening, I was banned and no longer able to participate in their reindeer games. Typically, I wouldn't be bothered by such shenanigans, but this particular subforum has risen to the top of Voat and currently takes up half the front page of Voat. I understand completely that I can simply block the subform and remove myself from many conversations from Voat, but that is how Reddit started. First I was banned from one forum, then many, and eventually all. I would prefer if Voat didn't follow the same path as Reddit, unless that is your intentions.

So, if possible, could you please do to that forum what you did to the QRV forum. Make it anonymous and open it back up to all users, not just those that one user @Crensh deems worthy to be a part of. Nobody wants to come to a website where one wrong word removes them from the ability to join in conversations.

Thank you for you time.