The Christmas Conspiracy
Parents around the world conspire to commit psychological warfare upon unsuspecting Children. The claimed goal is to induce a state of joy with gifts from "Santa Claus". Many Kindergarteners trying to expose the truth among friends are deemed, "tinfoil hat conspiracy theorists". After all, they're claiming that ALL ADULTS are participating in a world wide conspiracy just to deceive them about the source of presents.
"Why would they ALL lie to us?", says the bluepilled gradeschooler, "That's crazy! Moms or Dads, maybe, but Grannies wouldn't lie."
A curious fence-sitter pipes up, "I saw Santa and sat on his lap. Wouldn't parents want us to love them instead of a Santa stranger?"
"Shh, never tell them you don't believe in Santa or the presents will stop coming", whispers the most redpilled child.
antiracistNew ago
It's so funny how ppl expect their kids to learn about Santa, but then still believe Jesus rose from the dead. Like yeah yeah we haven't heard of a huge collective lie about a magical man before.
@SarMegahhikkitha @bojangles @eagleshigh
SarMegahhikkitha ago
What we're supposed to "learn" about Santa is that he's actually the Satan, watching us at all times to make accusations against us, and his machine elves are accusing angels, and Mrs. Claus is the Lilith. That the coal for naughty children is an allusion to the wicked "heaping coals of fire on his own head" [Pro. 25:22]. The concept of this yearly "judgment day" was introduced into Christmas because Christians abandoned Yom Kippur (and Christmas happens some time after the judgments that go out into the world after Yom Kippur begin to manifest in the world, hence why so many people sealed in the Book of Death kill themselves over the holidays).
Why do we call Satan "Santa" and say the big red man will give coal (instead of burning with coal)? Because they're children. But when they're of age, they're supposed to learn the truth; not that Santa doesn't exist, but that's he's closer to Evil Robot Santa from Futurama.
antiracistNew ago
Source?
When did Hanukkah start getting celebrated?
SarMegahhikkitha ago
Source for which item?
Hanukkah is a celebration of Messiah that existed before Jesus came. It was probably celebrated every year after the rededication of the Temple.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+10%3A22-42&version=OJB
http://thetrugmans.com/959/the-dream-of-chanukah/
antiracistNew ago
Satan Santa coals.
I read from some presumably anti-Semite on voat that Hanukkah started recently and was placed near Christmas to compete with it.
SarMegahhikkitha ago
The former idea is from R. Yosef Mizrachi IIRC and the latter (connection between coals and Yom Kippur) from R. Yitzchak z"l.
Anti-Semites say a lot of random crap and then run away when confronted. You've already experienced this.
antiracistNew ago
And where did the rabbis get that from? Dey ass?
SarMegahhikkitha ago
https://i.sli.mg/nwEnbJ.jpg
antiracistNew ago
Existence is suffering.
@Theodorekent @bojangles
hunter3 ago
fyi poor kids know theres no santa
Mr_Sir ago
A conspiracy started by the Russians
8_billion_eaters ago
I'm 60 years old and I know for a fact that Santa Claus is real.
Why would you alt-right, "FAKE NEWS" scumbags keep spreading this lie? I'm going to make sure GOOGLE removes you from their data base.
GizaDog ago
Gods everywhere!
jerry ago
God damn alt right shills. This site used to be so progressive. Next these bastards are going to tell me Santa was a cis gendered fuckin white male. Im shaking furiously with anger after reading this post. Thanks for ruining christmas alt-right troll army
FemaleVet4Trump ago
My kid found out the truth about Santa this year. She hoped that I lied to her about it and that Santa was real. :/
PolybiusPizza ago
The way to tell her the truth, parents decided to uphold the tradition of giving gifts to those in jeed by followinf the example of St. Nicholas, a real person who slapped Arius at the Council of Nycaea for being a heretic. St. Nick was and is a badass.
Al_Rubyx ago
haha, my parents thought I believed in Santa until I was like 14. They had to accidentally on purpose show me.
toobaditworks ago
Merry Christmas!