Inspired by this thread https://voat.co/v/TraditionalWives/3719689 I thought I’d put together a pamphlet on how to meditate. In times of stress I and many others find meditation to be a calming practice. It’s a way to clear the mind, slow the heartbeat, lower your blood pressure, and bring focus to the mind.

I’m speaking of mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness is basically the practice of existing in the moment. There are many ways to train the mind, depending on your goal. The goal of mindfulness meditation is mental clarity and focus and a relaxed body. As such it has a rather paradoxical practice of doing nothing. Which,oddly, is a lot more difficult than you might think.

Bro, do you even sit?

We are going to sit. We are not only going to sit we are going to sit in a comfy chair. Nobody expects the Comfy Chair. You do not need a special stool or pillow. You do not need to cross your legs w your hands on your knees w your fingers held weird. Sit the fuck down in your comfy chair. Whatever chair or couch or floor you like. Get comfortable. Close your eyes. Or give them a soft focus and look at a spot slightly elevated. Now breath. I like to start w 3 or 4 mildly deep breaths to load the blood w oxygen, but then allow your breath to be a natural steady rhythm. Continue to breath. Now clear your mind. Think of nothing. And this is actually where things get hard. Your mind Wants to fill itself. And I want you to stop it. I want you to shut the fuck up.

Breath. Focus on the physical feeling of your breathing. Your chest rising and falling. The air moving in and out of your nose and across your upper lip. Your chest is all on its own rising...and falling. In... And out

Some like to focus on the beat of their heart. It’s the very first physical piece of you. It was always there for you, long before you had a single thought your heart was beating. Before there was you, there was your heartbeat. Before your heart started beating you were only an electrochemical primordial soup. The day your heart started is the day you were first really physically here. Then you started thinking and everything went to hell.

Shut The Fuck Up

At some point in this process of breathing and heart beating a cloud will appear on the sky of your mind. We call them thoughts and I want you to stop it. Clear your mind and just sit. When you have a thought, don't scold yourself, or if possible even acknowledge that you were thinking. Just stop. Refocus on your heartbeat. Don't think about your heartbeat, feel it physically and don't think anything at all. Allow that thought to pass away just like the clouds slowly drift across a real sky. Your chest is rising and falling and your heart is beating and air is gently moving over your upper lip and your heart is still beating and your chest is rising and I need to go to the grocery store because last time they had been sold out because the four horsemen of the apocalypse released corona-chan to...and your heart is still beating and air is still moving in and out and in and out and your chest is rising and falling….

And at some point you open your eyes.

Many people like guided meditations. They are not necessary. Sometimes I use them and sometimes I don’t. The ones I like enough to have used repeatedly can be found here https://www.uclahealth.org/marc/mindful-meditations

You can start anywhere in that list really. If you really know nothing about meditation and want them the Complete Meditation Instructions will give you a full rundown on mindfulness meditation. It is 19 minutes long though, so you may not want to start there. If you just listen to any of the 3~5 minute sessions just follow along w what she says.

I think thats all I’ve got as a primer. If I think of an addition I’ll edit it in. And if you have any questions I will answer to the best of my ability.

Now sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up.