Here is a description of what it is actually like to dissassociate from a person who says they were ritually abused and have split into multiples. I have no reason to disbelieve the writer, but I have no proof this is true, nor did I ask for any. They chose to post this in public comments so I don't think they'll mind it being posted here. I put it here because even if this sub gets deleted this is similar material and may be intersting to others. There is a part 1 and part 2 which deals with my questions about the actual rituals and acts.
Okay, VieBleu, here we go!
Q) What does it feel like to dissociate?
A) First, there are four types of Dissociative Disorders. It's important to understand those first. I copied this from the internet as they describe it better than I can: The following list of dissociative disorders outlines the four defined disorders:
Dissociative amnesia – characterized by an inability to remember personal information in a way that cannot be accounted for by forgetfulness. Dissociative identity disorder – characterized by more than one identity present in one person Depersonalization/derealisation disorder – characterized by a feeling that objects in the environment are changing shape or size or that people are automated; feeling detached from one's body Other dissociative disorder not specified – a dissociative disorder that does not fall within the other three types of dissociative disorders
So I have Dissociative Identity Disorder(D.I.D.) but experience Depersonalization/Derealization and Dissociative Amnesia within my D.I.D. The latter two are a big part of my experience with DID.
I am what's called Polyfragmented. It's when a person has more than 100 "selves" or "parts" (which is what I call them). I know seventy six of their names but know I have hundreds of parts. Here is a link to help you understand how the different parts roles work and how the internal system is organized - http://did-research.org/origin/structural_dissociation/tertiary.html Please read it before continuing.
I normally experience co-consciousness with most of my parts. It feels like I(the host) is in the back of my mind and someone else has control of my thoughts and actions. I compare it to feeling very drunk, where your body is somewhat numb, and you blurt out things without control over what you're saying out loud. I'm aware of what I'm saying and doing yet am not in control, ie, when one of my parts that I call "Littles" (child parts) will be coloring or making coffee and as I'm looking down at my hands, they look so huge to me because in all actuality, my posture, voice, and awareness of my body parts changes to that of an actual child. It feels like I have cotton inside my head, my ears make this buzzing sound inside, my head throbs, and my vision either gets blurry or very clear. It is very hard to communicate to people when I'm experiencing co-consciousness because it's like a grownup and a child are both trying to take control of the conversation and I may stutter and falter, or my words are slurred and don't make logical sense. I can also hear my own thought;s and if other parts speak up internalIy, I hear theirs, too. I literally have conversations in my head. You know when you have weird thoughts out of nowhere, similar to a revelation or all of a sudden an answer pops into your head regarding a problem you're solving? It's sort of like that. Other times, when a part does what's called "fronting"-a part is in complete control of everything and I the host is contained from taking over their thoughts, actions, speech, and emotions. Some parts hold only one emotion. Those parts are created to contain one feeling in response to one or more moments of trauma. For example, my three year old part, Rose, only experiences terror. It fills her(me) with that feeling and my heart beats uncontrollably, I want to scream and run from wherever I presently am in present time whether there is an external threat of danger or not, and at such time Rose relives a specific moment of trauma-one memory. It feels like when you are replaying a scene in a movie in your head, except these moments actually occurred and Rose is showing them to me, the host, for whatever reason. During these times, I normally have what's called "body memories". Body memories are part of PTSD. I can physically feel the terror and if pain was being inflicted in the memory I will feel it in my body. Once Rose was punched continually in her stomach and when she was fronting and reliving the memory I felt extreme pain in my stomach in real time, and couldn't catch my breath.
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VieBleu ago
TESTIMONY OF ABUSE SURVIVOR Kinglover78 on Voat
Here is a description of what it is actually like to dissassociate from a person who says they were ritually abused and have split into multiples. I have no reason to disbelieve the writer, but I have no proof this is true, nor did I ask for any. They chose to post this in public comments so I don't think they'll mind it being posted here. I put it here because even if this sub gets deleted this is similar material and may be intersting to others. There is a part 1 and part 2 which deals with my questions about the actual rituals and acts.
Okay, VieBleu, here we go! Q) What does it feel like to dissociate?
A) First, there are four types of Dissociative Disorders. It's important to understand those first. I copied this from the internet as they describe it better than I can: The following list of dissociative disorders outlines the four defined disorders: Dissociative amnesia – characterized by an inability to remember personal information in a way that cannot be accounted for by forgetfulness. Dissociative identity disorder – characterized by more than one identity present in one person Depersonalization/derealisation disorder – characterized by a feeling that objects in the environment are changing shape or size or that people are automated; feeling detached from one's body Other dissociative disorder not specified – a dissociative disorder that does not fall within the other three types of dissociative disorders So I have Dissociative Identity Disorder(D.I.D.) but experience Depersonalization/Derealization and Dissociative Amnesia within my D.I.D. The latter two are a big part of my experience with DID. I am what's called Polyfragmented. It's when a person has more than 100 "selves" or "parts" (which is what I call them). I know seventy six of their names but know I have hundreds of parts. Here is a link to help you understand how the different parts roles work and how the internal system is organized - http://did-research.org/origin/structural_dissociation/tertiary.html Please read it before continuing. I normally experience co-consciousness with most of my parts. It feels like I(the host) is in the back of my mind and someone else has control of my thoughts and actions. I compare it to feeling very drunk, where your body is somewhat numb, and you blurt out things without control over what you're saying out loud. I'm aware of what I'm saying and doing yet am not in control, ie, when one of my parts that I call "Littles" (child parts) will be coloring or making coffee and as I'm looking down at my hands, they look so huge to me because in all actuality, my posture, voice, and awareness of my body parts changes to that of an actual child. It feels like I have cotton inside my head, my ears make this buzzing sound inside, my head throbs, and my vision either gets blurry or very clear. It is very hard to communicate to people when I'm experiencing co-consciousness because it's like a grownup and a child are both trying to take control of the conversation and I may stutter and falter, or my words are slurred and don't make logical sense. I can also hear my own thought;s and if other parts speak up internalIy, I hear theirs, too. I literally have conversations in my head. You know when you have weird thoughts out of nowhere, similar to a revelation or all of a sudden an answer pops into your head regarding a problem you're solving? It's sort of like that. Other times, when a part does what's called "fronting"-a part is in complete control of everything and I the host is contained from taking over their thoughts, actions, speech, and emotions. Some parts hold only one emotion. Those parts are created to contain one feeling in response to one or more moments of trauma. For example, my three year old part, Rose, only experiences terror. It fills her(me) with that feeling and my heart beats uncontrollably, I want to scream and run from wherever I presently am in present time whether there is an external threat of danger or not, and at such time Rose relives a specific moment of trauma-one memory. It feels like when you are replaying a scene in a movie in your head, except these moments actually occurred and Rose is showing them to me, the host, for whatever reason. During these times, I normally have what's called "body memories". Body memories are part of PTSD. I can physically feel the terror and if pain was being inflicted in the memory I will feel it in my body. Once Rose was punched continually in her stomach and when she was fronting and reliving the memory I felt extreme pain in my stomach in real time, and couldn't catch my breath.