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VieBleu ago

WOW>

I am absolutely mesmerized. What you have done is very lucidly take me to altered states and visuals through description. I really am able to sense and kind of feel the way you describe a part of you up front, and part of you behind, lack of being able to speak, all the other things. You write much better than most "associated" people - ha ha if that is what I am. The angels are incredible. Everything just gives me more questions - do you think you saw the shape of the angels and their aethetic because of art you had seen, or because it is something "innate" to a class of etheric being called angels, or because you made them that way, like an original artist? More pondering that, no need to come up with a specific answer, but this is just a small part of where your narrative takes me.

I am thinking that perhaps human cruelty has been so pervasive since antiquity, maybe a WHOLE lot more people have actually had dissociative cognition because of trauma than we realize? And they were artists, writers, musicians, and many other things. I will say that William Blake's works came to my mind when you described the angels. But not to get stuck on them, I read the link and am unfamiliar with that level of analysis of how this works. You'd think that a whole lot of therapists would be "in the know" that there are a lot of trauma victims out there, but then they get discredited very fast in the media and attacked professionally don't they? yes, they do.
Is one part of you covering for your father? Surely he must have known something was going on with you... Why would he have been killed, maybe he would have fought?

I think you have a book in this. Make sure you save your posts! Keep it up, your ability to communicate the reality of what happened to you is a gift. But don't tax yourself either. Another thing you might consider is talking into a recorder then transcribing what you say, so the physical act of writing doesn't seem so slow and daunting. And thank you, I look forward to whatever you next share.