I Survived Corona (Voat)

submitted ago by PuttItOut

I know many of you have been wondering what happened to your benevolent, patient, wise, beautiful (women can verify this), intelligent, and most of all kind hearted and loving administrator. It is only by the hand of God that I’m here to tell the story.

Nearly 10 months ago I entered a contest to taste test COVID-18. COVID-18 was a secret hot sauce developed by the Chinese and they planned to use it to put Tabasco out of business (damn communists).

An unfortunate thing happened during the taste test. The Chinese use hot sauce on bat wings. COVID-18 was so strong that when used on bat wings, it bonded with the bat wing blood and formed COVID-19. We basically unknowingly ate COVID-19. The positive side is that it tasted great.

It’s been a constant chore to stay ahead of the virus (it’s round so it rolls very fast and is hard to get away from). The only known cure isn’t a cure at all, it is simply a deterrent.

Toilet paper.

Scientists have found that if you surround yourself in a giant fort of toilet paper and tie it together with baby wipes it takes the power away from COVID-19. I built the largest toilet paper castle I could. NASA says you can see it from space.

I recommend each of you go out and buy as much toilet paper as possible and bury yourself underneath it. Toilet paper is an unlimited and cheap resource available to us all so no excuses.

I’m still recovering but I’ll try to get back and ban a few people soon (I see you rabble-rousers).

P.S. COVID-18 is perfectly safe on chicken wings and it’s better than Tabasco. Fact.

P.P.S. I hope it doesn’t rain soon.

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Tallest_Skil ago

You’re not funny. Explain what has happened to the site.

we_kill_creativity ago

What crises is the site currently in that you're so bothered about?

I'm not saying there's nothing odd, but Voat's been odd since I first joined, which was just about at the beginning, so, oddly enough, odd is normal for Voat. In other words...aside from some shills and bots I've thought things have been pretty tame for the last month or so.

Tallest_Skil ago

what crises

  1. No moderation whatsoever at any level.
  2. Site owner disappeared for over a year and refuses to tell us anything.
  3. Site sold off to a mystery source which owner refuses to explain.
  4. Site confirmed to now be owned by jews.
  5. No new boards can be created. No explanation for this.
  6. Literally year old spambot accounts still allowed to post.
  7. No explanation of donations/advertising being shut down.
  8. No explanation for long site outages that everyone has apparently already forgotten.
  9. No explanation for the rampant, pervasive error message that is clearly a hoax.
  10. No explanation for why the site has been allowed to bleed viewership and membership since the fucking Tarrant debacle.

There’s more. This is off the top of my head.

lanre ago

Why are you still using it if you know it's a Jew/Mossad/FBI honeypot designed to catch you?

agitatedwhiteguy ago

This is a ridiculous question. The real question is if it's true or not, so the entire community can stop arguing and just act accordingly.

lanre ago

Well all the rest of social media, TV, movies, etc. are controlled, so why wouldn't a site like this?

agitatedwhiteguy ago

Exactly, but people are still divided and this is a significant issue dividing the community. That and the Qews, obviously, but that brain damage can't be solved by mutual discussion because you can't reason with a cult no matter how much evidence you may have.

Wahaha ago

True, it's the same reason discussions with reli-fags are pointless. They like believing in a magic man in the sky and there's nothing anybody can do about it.