I know many of you have been wondering what happened to your benevolent, patient, wise, beautiful (women can verify this), intelligent, and most of all kind hearted and loving administrator. It is only by the hand of God that I’m here to tell the story.
Nearly 10 months ago I entered a contest to taste test COVID-18. COVID-18 was a secret hot sauce developed by the Chinese and they planned to use it to put Tabasco out of business (damn communists).
An unfortunate thing happened during the taste test. The Chinese use hot sauce on bat wings. COVID-18 was so strong that when used on bat wings, it bonded with the bat wing blood and formed COVID-19. We basically unknowingly ate COVID-19. The positive side is that it tasted great.
It’s been a constant chore to stay ahead of the virus (it’s round so it rolls very fast and is hard to get away from). The only known cure isn’t a cure at all, it is simply a deterrent.
Toilet paper.
Scientists have found that if you surround yourself in a giant fort of toilet paper and tie it together with baby wipes it takes the power away from COVID-19. I built the largest toilet paper castle I could. NASA says you can see it from space.
I recommend each of you go out and buy as much toilet paper as possible and bury yourself underneath it. Toilet paper is an unlimited and cheap resource available to us all so no excuses.
I’m still recovering but I’ll try to get back and ban a few people soon (I see you rabble-rousers).
P.S. COVID-18 is perfectly safe on chicken wings and it’s better than Tabasco. Fact.
P.P.S. I hope it doesn’t rain soon.
view the rest of the comments →
Ozzsanity ago
I wonder if the families of the thousands dead and dying thing Covid is joking matter. Please let us know when someone you care for dies from this crap. I want to tell you a joke about it.
Macska ago
Cancer kills more people. The drugs for cancer kills more people. Communism kills more people. Flu kills more people. Car accidents kills more people. Surgical malpractice kills more people. But hey let's destroy economies and nations by forcing a lock down for a virus that has less than 5% morbidity rate.
Ozzsanity ago
A lockdown was not forced on Disney. I wonder what their motivation was to shut down their Billion dollar theme parks?
Macska ago
The motivation is to deliberately tank the economy and then buy it all up. Or something. I'm not evil I can't figure out their game plan. Also do not forget Covids parent disease SARS also killed over half a million people in.... 06? 08? No lockdown then. In America alone 80,000 people died from the Flu in 17-18 season.
Hey go be first in line for that vaccine Bill Gates has for ya that Israel has been working on in one big coincidence for like half a year now.
Ozzsanity ago
You have no idea what it is you just know something is up. Please check back in a couple of months and explain again how it's just a cold. By the way, you do know that The Leader has now declared it much worse than the flu. You have to keep up on his talking points.
Macska ago
Speaking of the rhinovirus!!!! Every year about 50,000 people die from the cold and complications stemming from it and guess what.... it has no cure.
Ozzsanity ago
You know what's weird. The hospitals are not overrun with rhinovirus patients. But hey I am guessing all the nurses and doctors are in on the act and more than likely the hospitals are really empty. Those tents in Central Park are set up for some sort of elite cocktail party. Yep I am on to their trickery.