Can you hear that? I can hear it. That's the sound of every former British service member cringing at the mere sight of this rifle. And it's so loud you can hear it over the internet.
have you ever wondered what it would look like if you had a combat weapon designed by a bunch of people whod never even fired a gun before
or what about a government wide conspiracy spanning decades to cover up horrible basic inadequacies inherent in the design
what if you had it constructed and inspected entirely by factory workers who knew they were all going to be bought out and fired as soon as they produced enough rifles to look profitable
this is the L85
it had all that and more
a rifle that might actually be improved if it just exploded
but its ok
tragedy can be compelling storytelling too lol
so our story really starts in the 70s
the british were kinda wanting to ditch the slr theyd been using because its long and heavy
and if you remember the british were opposed to the 7.62 nato round from the start
theyd wanted a really small fast round
but america convinced them to adopt the 7.62 round by promising to adopt the fal as a quid pro quo
the british reluctantly agreed
and the americans revealed they were crossing their fingers the whole time lol oops
and the best part is the americans switched to the m16 soon after
which uses a small fast round ha
so that was dumb and annoying but whatever nato was now ready to standardize on a little round like britain had been wanting all along
so the british submitted their tiny 4.5 x reallysmol
but nato picked americas 5.56 x 45
lol 0 for 2 there england
but the other thing theyd been working on was a rifle to shoot this tiny stuff
for their first mockups they took the ar180
designed by armalite and license produced in england by sterling
the government was like yoink
stole it without any consultation or compensation to sterling
then gave the design to their gov engineers at enfield
but realize the last guns designed at enfield were two decades earlier
these guys were rusty to say the least
and here is our first category of problems
these guys did math and got whatever answer saying yeah this is a good idea
but they didnt have the practical experience to realize a whole bunch of little things were issues too
they ended up with tolerances that were wide enough to leave pressure bearing parts unsupported
dust entry points
sharp edges shaving brass and sprinkling it randomly inside the action
and the designers had no idea what was happening
plus there was a lot of turnover in the design group too
so the new guys didnt even know of the old problems
they were doing stupid bs like switching styles of safety or mag release
second set of problems was government interference
the gun was so crappy it couldnt pass literally any of the acceptance criteria
it needed like 2500 rounds between failures
it had like friggin 300
hey if it gets 8 times better then it only barely fails miserably
yaaay
so the government redefined the criteria
its not a failure unless the gun breaks so hard it needs to be rebuilt by an armorer
but even only counting catastrophic failures like sheared bolts and split barrels it still failed minimums lol
fuck dude
and another set of government problems
friggin penny pinching
stampings were too thin
improper construction techniques
and all the while the government was trying to sell the enfield factory and the soon to be fired workers knew it
it was horrible
so the government kept this under wraps until after the gulf war
when the guns choked harder than a soldier drinking a camels spitoon
eventually a military report talking about this scandal was leaked
title was
the top 304 ways the L85 megasucks like wow guys
and the government went all monty python
but the news stories wouldnt go away so eventually they had to hire hk to fix it
hk used actual gun designers
crazy
who identified that the main problem was the part of the rifle between the flash hider and the buttstock
also the flash hider and the buttstock
im not kidding
so they tweaked the metal specifications
they redesigned the bolt and extractor
increased tolerances in some places
tightened them in others
new furniture that didnt shatter
new flash hider
polishing and relieving parts all over
now once they were done with this the L85a2 actually ended up a decent rifle
20 years years into this
god damn man
so having said all that
lets look at how this turd works
so its a short stroke gas driven system with a multilug rotating bolt
its copied from the ar180 which is a very successful system used in many successful rifles
the fact that the L85 is so bad is a testament to the skill of the designers at enfield
you pop out a couple pins and it separates into two halves for easy cleaning and maintenance
and the gas system has a little door so you can clean it
every 300 rounds
300 rds wtf thats bs
my hipoint lasts longer than that
right hand eject only
one actually very good feature is the optic
all L85s had an optic from the very beginning
short rifles means short sigt radius
so an optic fixes that
magazine release is a stupid unprotected button
cross bolt safety up front and separate fire selector knob on the back
not he best layout but not horrible
they had better options earlier on like rotating safety levers and magazine release lever on the back
whatever
after hk did their magic everything worked much better but i wont pretend anybody thinks its a great rifle
a machinegun variant was also made called the L86
in addition to all the problems already listed it also would shoot way fucking high left after the first shot
and by way fucking high i mean at 600 m you missed the target by 20 ft no exageration
overall i think a bit under a half million were made with zero fucking export sales
nobody wanted this thing
and around half received upgrades to the hk a2 standard
now that they sunk so much money into it the uk will probably keep it around for a while longer but i imagine theyll start replacing them by the end of the decade
probably with a boring ar variant like a 416 lol
i think most everybody will be happy to finally close the book on this debacle though
the L85
probably the worst infantry rifle of the modern day
pew pew
#click here for previous articles
blumen4alles ago
damn clammy, nice write up
clamhurt_legbeard ago
ty sir
next tuesday is next writeup
Battlefat ago
Oh shit, we’re talking about the L85 my bad
robot7247 ago
The preceding L1A1 (UK built FN FAL) did however have long service career, nearly 40 years before the L85 replaced it in 1985. The Brits did not jump onto the small caliber bandwagon with any enthusiasm. The didn't even start on small caliber development until the mid-60s as they liked the L1A1. And, 7.62 NATO made sense when they adopted it (1950s) as the USA was transitioning to 7.62 NATO. (Same for Germany, Scandi countries, & Spain with their G3 variants.) But they had some whopping design oopsies on the L85A2. Amazing for a rifle with nearly 15 years of development before adoption-
the plastic furniture was melted by insect repellent
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SA80#Design_flaws
clamhurt_legbeard ago
better to say didnt restart on small caliber as they were doing 4.5 mm things in the 50s with the em2 adopted in 1951
theyd been going back and forth on bullpups and small calibers for a while
robot7247 ago
I thought the EM2 was .280 (~7mm)?
clamhurt_legbeard ago
it was in a number of different calibers during development
and at this point it might be blurring in my head a little
but they kept going back to a bullpup idea and kept going back to very small calibers multiple times over a couple generations
heres an example of a 4.85 mm cartridge they tried in the sa80 system
robot7247 ago
One link leads to another but this one tells the tale -
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/.280_British#After_.280
thedirtypuma ago
This was pretty close to a "Guns Clammy doesn't Like" and I liked it. Everybody loves watching a train wreck.
Are they even available to buy? Calicos are awful guns but very collectable now.
Good read as always. I learned something. I knew next to nothing about this gun.
robot7247 ago
According to Gun Jesus, the Calico main issue seems to be improper number of turns on their helical mags.
23 for 100 rd. & 10 for 50 rd., no more, no less and two videos blasting through multiple 9MM mags without FTF or jams.
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/sI3x30iamHc/maxresdefault.jpg
clamhurt_legbeard ago
lol i like the story more than the gun itself but i have to tell it because its so interesting
they are completely unavailable to buy
literally no other countries adopted it
a small number received a few from the uk as military aid
like
prank military aid lol
and thats it
they were in the process of making a semi auto version for the us
but the 1989 ban stopped it from happening
as for calicos
they might not be terrible so much as temperamental and unusual
one
two
three
H3yGeorge ago
A bullpup? Shame. Trigger torque fights the magazine.
clamhurt_legbeard ago
you know
nobody ever talks about the trigger on this
everything else is so much worse
think about that lol
H3yGeorge ago
Hah.
clamhurt_legbeard ago
have you ever handled a keltec bullpup
ive handled but not fired
the fcg is designed to put the sear near the trigger like normal and have the long transfer bar be part of the junk that happens away from the fcg
supposedly the trigger is about as good as a usgi ar trigger