I walked through the front door like a Mac. I never thought I would see the day when NOT wearing a mask made me a rebel, but that's what I was. Everyone was looking at me. Every man I walked past I looked them in the eye and whistled like Doc Holiday because I know these sheep can't whistle behind that mask. It was how I demoralized them. I was Doc Holiday and they were all Johnny Ringo. I was free and they were all in prison. As I made my way to the sporting goods section I asked the man there where an item was. He mumbled some shit and I told him I couldn't hear nor understand him. I said "take your mask off and talk to me like a man". He looked around like we were making a drug deal and pulled his mask down and gave me the information I was seeking. I grabbed my item and walked like a boss through the store to the check-out counter. Women and children stared at me as though I was The Lone Ranger, except, ironically, I wasn't wearing a mask. I was clean-shaven and reeked of Aramis. I whistled loudly all the way. I think at this point I was whistling the song that Seth sang in the van in the movie American History X. I was a rebel. Then out of nowhere came an older man and he wasn't wearing a mask. I immediately stopped whistling. He made eye contact with me and I with him. We nodded to each other knowing we were the only two men in this sheepocalypse.

I made it to the self-check-out. Everyone was watching me. I whistled loudly as I scanned my it and bagged it. I said "Isn't it crazy how Walmart has the population working for them for free when we don't even get a discount for it?" The sheep glared at me with hazed eyes for what I was speaking was as foreign to them as Chinese language. As I made my way to the door I noticed the door greeter told the person in front of to have a great day but failed to wish me one. I stopped and asked if she was told not to greet those without masks but she wouldn't answer me. I said "if so, that is kind of pathetic, isn't it? But I expect nothing less from Bolshevik commies". I pimped across the parking lot and passed many who where wearing masks outside. I looked at them, laughing and whistling loudly. Who was that unmasked mad man? I am a rebel, people. Welcome to 2020.