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OP - https://8ch.net/pol/res/12021208.html
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16384383? ago
I just found out that my girlfriend of almost 10 years was cheating on me. She has been very secretive with her phone lately so I attempted to access her snapchat which I noticed was her most used app. She lunged over and turned off her phone so i couldnt access it. She changed her password which i used to know. I asked her what was in her snapchat and she refused to tell me. I told her either i see what's in there or I'm leaving. She didn't say anything and refused to open her phone. We lived together for years. Now I'm sitting in some parkinglot waiting for the sun to rise so i can try and move back in with my parents. I was going to propose to her onbour 10 year anniversary of being together. The only reasoning i could get out of her as to why she did it was that "i used to be a lot nicer." God knows what was on that snapchat. I'm fucked. I don't have any friends outside of work and living with my parents is beyond annoying with all sorts of rules and shit. I don't know where else to go. I have no one to talk to. I'll recover, probably, but this is just such a huge shock. I thought she was different and that we'd always be together.
16385181? ago
I know this situation seems awful right now because you have so much emotional tied in with this situation. So let me talk to you as I am not emotionally attached to this situation.
I don't know what your living situation situation is, all I know is that you live together so I'll assume you're moving to your parents because you don't own the home or you rent or something. I suggest putting the lease in her name or breaking the tenancy with her (assuming she is on lease). Immediately start applying for new places and start organising your items at your old place so you can move in one day. After that you do not communicate with her at all. Then to take your mind of her hit the gym, be with your friends and get on with it.
I've been through this before. It's not worth extending any further emotion, anger or time on. She cheated on you and would not be a good wife or mother to your children. Just fix the living arrangement as quickly as possible and everything else will fall into place.
16385182? ago
Thank you for replying. Good advice. I think that the silver lining out of all this is what you said, i know she would not be mother material. I intend to give my future children the rearing they deserve and be treated like real human beans. I'm obviously need time to recover, but do you or any anon reading this know where to find good women? It can't be church because I'm not going to pretend to be christian. I've seen some decent girls at stores i frequent, although i am definitely not able to cold approach women cuz I know I'll 'tism. I'm thinking after a bit I'll try to get involved in local clubs or groups for certain hobbies i enjoy and work from there. God damn this technological age atomizing everyone. It breeds two dimensional relationships like the one with whoever my gf was fucking with. I invested so much into her and now I've had my position reset back to zero. Sorry for my rambling.
16392642? ago
Not as relevant an issue, but women on the other side of the coin don’t have an easy time either. They get genuinely approached less often than you think. Plus, if you approach a woman and she is triggered in response you’ll know she’s not worth your time. Give it a go, the more you do it the more comfortable it will become, it’s good practice to build confidence even if you don’t meet a girl this way. Traditional girls will more likely prefer to be approached, rather than approach you. Wholesome hobby groups could be a decent place to try, but don’t feign interest the same way someone would pretend to be religious to go to church. And be realistic, if you are interested in girls at a certain fitness level then be prepared to match it, same goes for any other category. Stick to self improvement while you’re getting through the breakup, and once you’re ready put yourself back out there.
16394668? ago
Good advice. It's so hard to do much of anything. It's been about 14 hours or so since it happened and after the initial rush to get my shit back to my parents I've become bed ridden, or floor ridden more accurately. I'm sure I'll rebound in time. It sounds cliche but i don't know if I'll ever be the same after this ordeal. She was the closest person to me in my life for nearly a decade and to be dealt that kind of betrayal it's just really fucking me up.
16399197? ago
I’ve been there, relationship wasn’t as long as yours, but still sucked. You are going to be bed/floor ridden for a bit, it takes time to process. Allow yourself time to do that. You won’t be the same, but that doesn’t mean the change can’t be for the better. Learn from it. Only you can decide what direction you go from here, so process it, then get back on the horse. And do NOT give in if she comes crawling back, you may be tempted to, but she has revealed her true colors, so don’t create an image of her that doesn’t exist.
Look at it this way, now that you know she isn’t the one you’re meant to be with, you’re just one step closer to finding the one who is
16400175? ago
I hear ya. I think about the good times when i get these triggers which happens all the time, then followed by total disgust at her actions and also her attitude that night. I could never go back to someone who lived such a lie and betrayed me with no respect to my being. After the tidal waves of sorrow i get these brief gasps of air. During those times i feel like i still have the girl i could always rely on, a brief period of denial, but then the grim realization of the situation sets back into another wave. Little mementos of special moments I'm reminded of hurt the most. I noticed that these last several months her despondence grew but i never knew how cold and heartless she really was. I wonder if she's having second thoughts about her decisions. I'm still wondering how long her degeneracy went on for. I shouldn't but to have that big of a chunk ripped from my soul… i hope i can find a woman.
16401057? ago
I’m glad you realize you can never go back. Wish I could tell you how to make it sting less, but it’s going to sting for a bit. Try not to wonder too much about what she’s thinking or what she did, remind yourself that none of that will change things.
Don’t think about it like a chunk being ripped from your soul, you’re just used to having a warm soul next to yours and now it’s a little chilly, but she can’t take a part of you away from you. Your soul is yours bud.
You will find your someone else when the time comes, the pain you’re going through now will be all in the past when you do. Some lessons we have to learn the hard way, but better to learn them than not
16404803? ago
Thanks, man. It's the end but also a beginning.