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OP - https://8ch.net/pol/res/12021208.html
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16079525? ago
Severely abusive upbringing and social recluse for most of my life, she was the only good thing that happened to me in a very long time. We grew dependent on eachother for escapes from our shitty home lives. We were together for 4 years and engaged, but I had health problems and she developed a paranoid anxiety about death that demanded she pursue everything she wanted to in life immediately, including a move out of state to a college I couldn't follow to. My health deteriorated rapidly, and one day I had a severe panic attack and called her for help. She broke up with me over the phone, mid-panic attack. Saw her once for about 30 seconds when she dropped my stuff off, then she disappeared. All of my life plans and aspirations were wound up in projects we had together, and even my social circle had disappeared as friends moved across the country for college during our relationship. So literally everything I cared about dissolved over a phonecall I'd placed to somebody I trusted for help while I was in the middle of a manic anxiety fit.
That kind of thing doesn't go away.
16079529? ago
too many crutches and now you can't walk
16079532? ago
Pretty much. Been weaning myself off of them, though. Each year is better than the last, but the pinch of how it all ended sometimes comes back and snaps at me.
16079534? ago
I had a rough/sudden end to a long relationship about as many years ago. She started uni and was really pushing into a new life as fast as she could. Her past was a bit rough and she was sort of running away from it all, plus the uni psychs giving out prescriptions like candy. So it felt like I was just collateral in the whole situation, and between new friends and the meds i didn't feel like i knew her near the end. We were living together, it got rough, arguing, cheating.
Shit's tough. I changed career goals myself and started trying new things to kind of escape it all too (and just feel generally more self-sufficient as i did depend on her in a way). Eventually i could look back at it all without regrets.