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Piscina ago

That's all really horrible. I hope you are in counselling and getting some help. I hope you have some friends. Just because you have a pedphile and a wife beater in the family, that doesn't make you like them. I try to understand why children are treated this way. Some say we 'choose' before we come here the life we will have. I don't know. And sometimes life is so shit that you have to sit in the wound. I hope you get some healing.

unstoppable ago

No I am not but perhaps I should be. I have thought about that a lot but want to try to sort myself out on my own. I do not have any friends but that is no sad story, trusting people is not particularly easy. I did once have a load of friends but since hitting my mid twenties and getting pretty heavily involved in drugs and the rave scene, everything started to unravel. I realise that we were just people that had a common goal at the time, not sure that is a friend anyway? No, this is no sad story because I think you are right in saying we choose the life we have, I have brought a lot of unhappiness on myself and am trying to change that but I know at times if there was a gun sitting in front of me I would shoot myself in the face without hesitation but I couldn't do that to my Lovely wife. Literally the best thing that happened to me and because of her know that angels do in fact exist!

Piscina ago

I'm glad you have a life partner who is there for you! That's more than some people have. You are lucky. You know, sometimes the most damaged people are the most compassionate, empathic and kind because they are able to put themselves in the victims' shoes and feel their pain. Don't be too hard on yourself for the drugs & the raving--it's a form of self-medication. But ultimately it doesn't help you. If you're not suffering too much from ptsd, dissociative disorder and anxiety, learning to meditate can really help. When you're on high alert all the time, your amygdala is fired up, releasing all those hormones like cortisol into your body. It's a terrible feeling. Meditation will calm down the amygdala and gets your pre-frontal cortex working, which is the rational part of the brain. I suffer from complex-ptsd and meditation has really helped me.

unstoppable ago

Yes I think the universe seeks to balance everything, there is always good with the bad and I think you are particularly correct when you say the most damaged can be the most compassionate. When I am in a good place that is me but I can be such a prick it is untrue when not in the best frame of minds. I don't know if it ptsd or bipolar for me but I am not keen on doctors, dentists or anything like that. I actually haven't been in about 15 years now. Is your ptsd linked to all this stuff piscina? And I have Italian blood btw, pool is cool with me!