You sound just like me. I've always prayed to God not to let me remember, but i've asked for hints so i can know for sure (what my therapist insisted had happened to me, based on behavioral symptoms and interviews she did with my family) as well as what age the incest started. I was shown exactly when it started through a dream - i saw myself in a bassinet, with diapers thrown aside and my bottom all red. The day after that dream, I asked my mom if there was anything strange she could tell me about my being 6 months old, anything to do with my father? And she literally right off the bat described coming home and seeing the scene i just described from my dream. A few years ago i did some acid and that block between my past and now just disappeared, and memories started whizzing by me, through me, at a dizzying, completely uncontrolled pace. Some were happy, not many, most were of me just being in a world of grey depression wishing for death and acting out. But some were of what i can still only describe as the grossest thing ever, something i can't bring myself to say. I don't know how people deal with this if it's impossible to talk about, to acknowledge even to ourselves. But one thing i do believe is that God can heal all of this, it will just take time. I was inspired to write because you mentioned the cloud of hatred and fear that never made sense. I'm kind of experiencing that now. Pizzagate is cathartic, but it does bring up a lot of rage.
God can and will heal you. Let the rage come. It is justice. It is cleansing. We should all be full of rage for every person who has suffered. But Vengeance is the Lord's. There will be a reckoning.
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V____Z ago
You sound just like me. I've always prayed to God not to let me remember, but i've asked for hints so i can know for sure (what my therapist insisted had happened to me, based on behavioral symptoms and interviews she did with my family) as well as what age the incest started. I was shown exactly when it started through a dream - i saw myself in a bassinet, with diapers thrown aside and my bottom all red. The day after that dream, I asked my mom if there was anything strange she could tell me about my being 6 months old, anything to do with my father? And she literally right off the bat described coming home and seeing the scene i just described from my dream. A few years ago i did some acid and that block between my past and now just disappeared, and memories started whizzing by me, through me, at a dizzying, completely uncontrolled pace. Some were happy, not many, most were of me just being in a world of grey depression wishing for death and acting out. But some were of what i can still only describe as the grossest thing ever, something i can't bring myself to say. I don't know how people deal with this if it's impossible to talk about, to acknowledge even to ourselves. But one thing i do believe is that God can heal all of this, it will just take time. I was inspired to write because you mentioned the cloud of hatred and fear that never made sense. I'm kind of experiencing that now. Pizzagate is cathartic, but it does bring up a lot of rage.
rodeo13 ago
God can and will heal you. Let the rage come. It is justice. It is cleansing. We should all be full of rage for every person who has suffered. But Vengeance is the Lord's. There will be a reckoning.
V____Z ago
You brought a tear to my eye, thank you. Indeed, vengeance is his. I believe we are witnessing the reckoning in real time!