I just wanted to say that if parents, and especially mothers, were more responsible by warning their children at a very young age about possible situations and how to get out of them, many of them could be spared the abuse.
I'd like to share my own personal experience here as an example. As a young girl, I was particularly pretty and my mother, being as protective and as clever as she was (an tough!), had warned me many times over about the possible dangers lurking, not only about strangers in the streets and at schools, but to also beware of family members, especially male relatives. As I grew up surrounded by 14 uncles and 2 grandpas, I was over the years, accosted by at least 5 of them. I successfully put an early stop to the advances of 4 of them by simply telling them to back off with their disgusting ways. However, one in particular, had started grooming me without me even noticing (he was the worst threat of them all), by buying me what my parents wouldn't : soft drinks and candy, and by taking my little brother and I on rides, in the countryside. He had never directly made an advance up until two to three years later, when asking me uncomfortable questions about boys and how and if I felt the urge to 'do stuff' with them. I'll never forget how vulnerable a position I was in when he made his advance for we were alone, in a car, about 2 hours away from home, in the countryside on our way to my grandparents. I asked him to stop talking about this, that I didn't like it, but he wouldn't. He kept pressing on. And I remember how afraid I had become when he said: "I don't know if I can control myself, this is too tempting, you're too tempting". And then my mother's own words came back to me and I yelled them out with growing fear: "I will tell my mother! I will tell my father! And if you touch me, they will kill you! Think about what you're saying! I'm you're niece, this is wrong! I will tell them!" And then he stopped, told me to wait for him in the car while he went out into the woods to take a 'long piss'. When he came back, he said: "Ok, lets go" and that was that. We went to my grandparents and I told my mom as soon as I arrived there, secretly, over the phone. She promised me she wouldn't tell anyone, not even my dad and told me that I was a very smart and brave girl. Of course, she found an excuse to come and fetch me and that was the last time I was left alone with that particular uncle.
When I recall this today, I can't help but admire her and be grateful for being so protective and helping me out by giving me a weapon against such advances. She had also warned me not to believe anyone that said they would hurt my family members because it was a total bluff. To always respond that I will tell. However, there was another way to get out of dangerous situations with strangers and, that one was to scream at the top of my lungs, to fight and bite and run away.
Today, I have 4 children of my own, including 2 daughters. I have warned each and everyone of them and am making sure that they know how to protect and defend themselves, as my mother did more than 30 years ago.
I hope to God they never have to face this kind of danger and if they do, that they will find the courage and strength and wits to get out of it unscathed. Again, I can't emphasise enough, how important the parents' role becomes in situations such as this.
I also hope I didn't offend any abuse victim, or anyone who wasn't as lucky as I was and who had to go through some terrible experience under different circumstances. My goal here is solely to put an emphasis on how important a role parents play in their children's lives as protectors and defenders, and that by warning them from an early age about such situations can have a very positive effect.
Thank you for sharing this. I am also a parent and have started explaining to my oldest about how to stay safe and what to watch for and avoid. I was assaulted by a family member that was also a (older) child at the time so I think it is important to make children aware that other children can also hurt them.
Yes. This is also a problem that needs to be discussed with them. The uncle that groomed me, I found out later, had abused one of my cousins, so his other niece. The age difference however was not quite as big, as he was 18 and she was 11-12. He abused her for 4 years and then, 10 years later, started grooming me when I was 7-8. Apparently, he's attracted to girls age 10 to 15. But anyway, it's quite important to make our children also aware of that possibility.
Thank you for sharing that. The details you provided are so important for people to understand how this stuff happens.
I was abused as an adult, but there were many near misses when I was a kid. My mom came from an abusive family and was terrible in many ways, but she did tell me what to do in sexually abusive situations, starting very young. She had a drug problem and I was often hit on by her drug friends and drug dealers. When I was somewhere around 6-8 she had a drug friend who used to tell me how pretty I was and always wanted me to sit on his lap. I have a vague memory of her getting serious about that and then he was not allowed over at the house anymore.
When I was around 15, I used to walk around town so I didn't have to be at home. People frequently tried to get me to get into their cars. Sometimes men WITH women. There was no mistaking their intent. I am certain that if I got into one of those cars I would have been raped and killed. Once a man drove in front of my path in a red Corvette and asked me to get in. I told him I was 15. He said, "So?" I said no thanks and kept on walking. Sometimes I had to walk into the police department to get people off my trial, or dive into a bush. I'd watch the cars drive back and forth, looking for me.
My mom's drug dealer used to pull up and fan out a wad of cash the size of a brick and ask me to go places with him. I had to be polite to him because he was my mom's drug dealer. He was going to "drive me home" once and pulled into an alley and tried to assault me. I yelled and he stopped. "Oh, you don't want me to?" He asked. "No!" I said. "Oh, okay." he said and drove me home. I told this story to local police years later and they were dumbfounded. They said this particular person "owned girls and boys" and it was amazing that he didn't rape me. I believe he let me go because he thought I was funny. My righteousness amused him.
At this point my mom seemed to consider me an adult. Her reaction to these near misses was that I shouldn't have been walking around. You know, in the daylight next to the supermarket and the library.
Thank you for sharing that. The details you provided are so important for people to understand how this stuff happens.
Your path may have been different than mine, but your story is just as important as mine. And your mother may not have been perfect, but she must have done something right for having brought up such a strong, righteous daughter. Thank you for sharing as well.
I blame the media for not informing the public of these dangers I too now realize that pedofiles tried to victimize my family. The pedofiles rely on our naïveté of children and even adults lack of knowledge. It is true evil and satanic.
we've disagreed, but I want to applaud your story. and yes, this kind of frankness is absolutely necessary and mothers need to stop pretending we live in the Victorian age and speak frankly and empower their children.
PS (also the phrase is "peer pressure" not "pier pressure")
wow. thank you so much for sharing that story. it can be so difficult as a parent to bring up these issues with our children, but you have illustrated beautifully why it is so important that we do.
Yes, it is very important that we do and I'd also like to point out not to fall under peer pressure coming from relatives and friends who will constantly accuse you of being over-protective and to 'let kids be kids'. Too many times they will 'inadvertently' make you feel self-conscious or guilty of 'crossing the line' which is total BS. Being a parent is a great responsibility which doesn't come with a 'handbook' or a guide so often times we decide what's best for our children according to our instincts, to what we think is right and how we were brought up ourselves. We shouldn't have to worry about political-correctness at all.
The "you are too overprotective" shit is real. My spouse and I will never allow any children we have to go to sleepovers, either. No fucking way are we entrusting our child to a different family for the night. There were too many stories both of us heard from friends and experiences we had ourselves at "innocent sleepovers" to ever think it would be a good idea. Ever. And anyone who thinks we are helicopter parents can eat shit. All it takes is one bad decision and our kids could lose their innocence permanently, so we couldn't care less what "society customs" say. We can't be there every second, but we sure as hell can make protective decisions.
but that goes against liberal teachings where you can't do anything on your own and it's always the patriarchy's and the menz' fault for being rapists!!11!
Your parents are proactive and great! Thanks for sharing.
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YingYangMom ago
I just wanted to say that if parents, and especially mothers, were more responsible by warning their children at a very young age about possible situations and how to get out of them, many of them could be spared the abuse. I'd like to share my own personal experience here as an example. As a young girl, I was particularly pretty and my mother, being as protective and as clever as she was (an tough!), had warned me many times over about the possible dangers lurking, not only about strangers in the streets and at schools, but to also beware of family members, especially male relatives. As I grew up surrounded by 14 uncles and 2 grandpas, I was over the years, accosted by at least 5 of them. I successfully put an early stop to the advances of 4 of them by simply telling them to back off with their disgusting ways. However, one in particular, had started grooming me without me even noticing (he was the worst threat of them all), by buying me what my parents wouldn't : soft drinks and candy, and by taking my little brother and I on rides, in the countryside. He had never directly made an advance up until two to three years later, when asking me uncomfortable questions about boys and how and if I felt the urge to 'do stuff' with them. I'll never forget how vulnerable a position I was in when he made his advance for we were alone, in a car, about 2 hours away from home, in the countryside on our way to my grandparents. I asked him to stop talking about this, that I didn't like it, but he wouldn't. He kept pressing on. And I remember how afraid I had become when he said: "I don't know if I can control myself, this is too tempting, you're too tempting". And then my mother's own words came back to me and I yelled them out with growing fear: "I will tell my mother! I will tell my father! And if you touch me, they will kill you! Think about what you're saying! I'm you're niece, this is wrong! I will tell them!" And then he stopped, told me to wait for him in the car while he went out into the woods to take a 'long piss'. When he came back, he said: "Ok, lets go" and that was that. We went to my grandparents and I told my mom as soon as I arrived there, secretly, over the phone. She promised me she wouldn't tell anyone, not even my dad and told me that I was a very smart and brave girl. Of course, she found an excuse to come and fetch me and that was the last time I was left alone with that particular uncle. When I recall this today, I can't help but admire her and be grateful for being so protective and helping me out by giving me a weapon against such advances. She had also warned me not to believe anyone that said they would hurt my family members because it was a total bluff. To always respond that I will tell. However, there was another way to get out of dangerous situations with strangers and, that one was to scream at the top of my lungs, to fight and bite and run away. Today, I have 4 children of my own, including 2 daughters. I have warned each and everyone of them and am making sure that they know how to protect and defend themselves, as my mother did more than 30 years ago. I hope to God they never have to face this kind of danger and if they do, that they will find the courage and strength and wits to get out of it unscathed. Again, I can't emphasise enough, how important the parents' role becomes in situations such as this. I also hope I didn't offend any abuse victim, or anyone who wasn't as lucky as I was and who had to go through some terrible experience under different circumstances. My goal here is solely to put an emphasis on how important a role parents play in their children's lives as protectors and defenders, and that by warning them from an early age about such situations can have a very positive effect.
DevilintheDetails ago
Thank you for sharing this. I am also a parent and have started explaining to my oldest about how to stay safe and what to watch for and avoid. I was assaulted by a family member that was also a (older) child at the time so I think it is important to make children aware that other children can also hurt them.
YingYangMom ago
Yes. This is also a problem that needs to be discussed with them. The uncle that groomed me, I found out later, had abused one of my cousins, so his other niece. The age difference however was not quite as big, as he was 18 and she was 11-12. He abused her for 4 years and then, 10 years later, started grooming me when I was 7-8. Apparently, he's attracted to girls age 10 to 15. But anyway, it's quite important to make our children also aware of that possibility.
VIrginiaPerson ago
Thank you for sharing that. The details you provided are so important for people to understand how this stuff happens.
I was abused as an adult, but there were many near misses when I was a kid. My mom came from an abusive family and was terrible in many ways, but she did tell me what to do in sexually abusive situations, starting very young. She had a drug problem and I was often hit on by her drug friends and drug dealers. When I was somewhere around 6-8 she had a drug friend who used to tell me how pretty I was and always wanted me to sit on his lap. I have a vague memory of her getting serious about that and then he was not allowed over at the house anymore.
When I was around 15, I used to walk around town so I didn't have to be at home. People frequently tried to get me to get into their cars. Sometimes men WITH women. There was no mistaking their intent. I am certain that if I got into one of those cars I would have been raped and killed. Once a man drove in front of my path in a red Corvette and asked me to get in. I told him I was 15. He said, "So?" I said no thanks and kept on walking. Sometimes I had to walk into the police department to get people off my trial, or dive into a bush. I'd watch the cars drive back and forth, looking for me.
My mom's drug dealer used to pull up and fan out a wad of cash the size of a brick and ask me to go places with him. I had to be polite to him because he was my mom's drug dealer. He was going to "drive me home" once and pulled into an alley and tried to assault me. I yelled and he stopped. "Oh, you don't want me to?" He asked. "No!" I said. "Oh, okay." he said and drove me home. I told this story to local police years later and they were dumbfounded. They said this particular person "owned girls and boys" and it was amazing that he didn't rape me. I believe he let me go because he thought I was funny. My righteousness amused him.
At this point my mom seemed to consider me an adult. Her reaction to these near misses was that I shouldn't have been walking around. You know, in the daylight next to the supermarket and the library.
YingYangMom ago
Your path may have been different than mine, but your story is just as important as mine. And your mother may not have been perfect, but she must have done something right for having brought up such a strong, righteous daughter. Thank you for sharing as well.
Forgetmenot ago
I blame the media for not informing the public of these dangers I too now realize that pedofiles tried to victimize my family. The pedofiles rely on our naïveté of children and even adults lack of knowledge. It is true evil and satanic.
VieBleu ago
we've disagreed, but I want to applaud your story. and yes, this kind of frankness is absolutely necessary and mothers need to stop pretending we live in the Victorian age and speak frankly and empower their children. PS (also the phrase is "peer pressure" not "pier pressure")
YingYangMom ago
Thank you for this and for grammar tip, will edit. I'm glad we agree on something finally. Peace.
truth_will_out ago
wow. thank you so much for sharing that story. it can be so difficult as a parent to bring up these issues with our children, but you have illustrated beautifully why it is so important that we do.
YingYangMom ago
Yes, it is very important that we do and I'd also like to point out not to fall under peer pressure coming from relatives and friends who will constantly accuse you of being over-protective and to 'let kids be kids'. Too many times they will 'inadvertently' make you feel self-conscious or guilty of 'crossing the line' which is total BS. Being a parent is a great responsibility which doesn't come with a 'handbook' or a guide so often times we decide what's best for our children according to our instincts, to what we think is right and how we were brought up ourselves. We shouldn't have to worry about political-correctness at all.
Edit: grammar
DustyRadio ago
The "you are too overprotective" shit is real. My spouse and I will never allow any children we have to go to sleepovers, either. No fucking way are we entrusting our child to a different family for the night. There were too many stories both of us heard from friends and experiences we had ourselves at "innocent sleepovers" to ever think it would be a good idea. Ever. And anyone who thinks we are helicopter parents can eat shit. All it takes is one bad decision and our kids could lose their innocence permanently, so we couldn't care less what "society customs" say. We can't be there every second, but we sure as hell can make protective decisions.
YingYangMom ago
That's right. We also have this rule at home. No sleep overs till age 16.
mergen ago
but that goes against liberal teachings where you can't do anything on your own and it's always the patriarchy's and the menz' fault for being rapists!!11!Your parents are proactive and great! Thanks for sharing.YingYangMom ago
Yes they are. Very lucky to still have them both, thanks.