So... I've been thinking... (SoapboxBanhammer)

submitted ago by TheBuddha

I got one parade today. It was delightful and it's good to be recognized as being a national treasure.

However, it would appear that my real-life loved ones are conspiring against me. It's pretty much a treasonous offense, at this point.

So, I'm interested in seeing what I can get if I trade in the missus. I might even throw in the eldest hoodlum and a band - complete, minus a lead guitarist and lead singer.

friendshipistragic ago

You can come join my family and be our wise elder dispensing wisdom.

TheBuddha ago

I don't have any wisdom. :-/

Also, now it's time for the guitar thread. Another 1.5 minutes!

Caveman_in_a_suit ago

I have a black bear. It's been bothering me lately. My dog, supposedly a Livestock Guardian Dog, turns out to enjoy chasing the bear away from the garbage shed only long enough to be distracted by the shed itself. The bear gets away clean into the redwood forest each time. That's fucking useless to me, I got an LGD in eager anticipation of hearing that bear chased away through the forest and hopefully towards the ocean across the street, or back up the mountain towards my grouchy neighbor's place. Instead, he just stands there sniffing the garbage shed.

I am hopeful with this trade that your missus would enjoy chasing a black bear at 2 am, and hopefully enjoys the ocean route. It would be a bonus for me if she could bark at the neighbor once in awhile.

TheBuddha ago

I have bad news. I'm pretty sure the missus is actually a bear in disguise.

Caveman_in_a_suit ago

Oh hell no, then I'd have two bears and no dog. Also, I have only one blueberry bush, whereas you're said to have hundreds of acres of blueberry bushii - mine looks like Charlie Brown's christmas tree. Even my own bear finds this terrible, and has strongly encouraged me to plant more. Thus far, I have responded by getting a "bear chasing dog" but you see how that's worked out. At best, they are playing tag. At 2 am, when it's damp and cold. Nope, completely unacceptable circumstances all around.

TheBuddha ago

It's winter, she's hibernating usually. She's hibernating less, because she's trying to look after me.

She still had me make her blueberry pancakes this morning, so it's mostly an act.

Seriously, you should see her plow through blueberries. I have no idea why she isn't fat. It's not like she does much! She's a lazy old bear!

Caveman_in_a_suit ago

I would feel sorry for you, but you have blueberries, so no sympathy for you, bro.

TheBuddha ago

I don't need sympathy. I need a new missus.

heygeorge ago

At least you’re keeping out the worst parts of the band!

TheBuddha ago

Yeah, I like that guy. He's alright. He's not a traitor.

heygeorge ago

Ha! So what is it your nearest and dearest are doing to you?

TheBuddha ago

They think I don't need the stress of rehearsal, so the band isn't coming over to rehearse. We're going to do a quick one before the show.

None of them are showing up. None.

The missus and EH were in on this. I know, 'cause they gave me verbal testimony. I have fucking evidence! Traitors.

Earlier today, I watched another man drive my tractor. My snow is being smashed by another person - and, worse, they're paying him money. It's my money. The missus doesn't have a damned job. She works for me and puts her money in the bank. I know damned well it's my money.

This is horrible.

heygeorge ago

That’s reaching pretty deep into justifiable homocide territory.

TheBuddha ago

I agree. I'm pretty sure I can convince a jury of my peers!

However, my peers aren't allowed on juries!

heygeorge ago

I think that’s probably for the best.

TheBuddha ago

I could argue that, but it's past midnight and I did the guitar thread tonight. I'm exhausted but you're probably right.

heygeorge ago

Oh yeah, it’s Friday! I’l have to lurk in there later. Get some rest, as it’s good for your bones.

TheBuddha ago

Yeah, I'm sprawled on the couch with a tablet and an EH. At least the dog hasn't tried to climb up yet.

heygeorge ago

Hi EH! Good work on the string box!

TheBuddha ago

"Hello. Thanks! It was a hard song to learn that fast."

zyklon_b ago

I will trade you a fat yankee pig and her nigger kids?

TheBuddha ago

No, I can do better than fat chicks.

zyklon_b ago

anyone can but sometimes the have assets....

TheBuddha ago

I don't need assets.

zyklon_b ago

I do though hence you get why I fucked the pig.

TheBuddha ago

Man, you two love drama. LOL

I should get popcorn. Maybe it'll pop off tongiht.

zyklon_b ago

If she kills herself I will be sad......

TheBuddha ago

You know I'm not gonna help you in your drama-quest, right?

I'm almost always an impartial observer! (This has kept me safe and content.)

zyklon_b ago

you already have by giving me a place to talk shit.

TheBuddha ago

LOL I give her the same thing. I spoke to her yesterday. I told her she should just give you all the finger and tell everyone, "I do what I want, bitch!" Or something like that.

zyklon_b ago

this I an actual serious case and her kids are at risk. from her but is avery dangerous situation. been talking to the cps there and they are planning a pop in welfare check where she will be drug tested so maybe her kid goes into state custody and she quits stealing his welfare check. (serious) its bad

TheBuddha ago

Yeah, I ain't touching that.

zyklon_b ago

had to delete as not to tip off. what to do even tho its a retarded nigger I still gotta do something I feel. say no more bout it

TheBuddha ago

I saw nothing. At the end of the day, Buddha doesn't snitch. Crip for life.

zyklon_b ago

Crip cuz

still too early for miller time

32oz cans $1.50 so I be living the high life

TheBuddha ago

No Natty Ice?

zyklon_b ago

Naw I can afford a beer that don't taste like water now. In fla I had to drink the cheapest but here I can afford a good lager,

TheBuddha ago

Is Miller a lager? I thought it was a pilsner, but I could easily be wrong.

zyklon_b ago

is techniocally a "light American lager'

TheBuddha ago

Huh... I don't drink it.

zyklon_b ago

its a light American lager and is very good. But not being on a welfare budget you have options of much much better drinks so I wouldn't fuck with it unless you come over

@whiteronin be her next it already been planned

WhiteRonin ago

Fuck! I need to see Ozzy!

Dun dun Dunnnnn, da dun, da dun!

@thebuddha

zyklon_b ago

listen this

TheBuddha ago

Oh, I have plenty of booze here already and will ensure you drink as much as you want. If you want Miller, you'll get Miller.

zyklon_b ago

naw if im living it up I want something classy I could never get here like stella artois

TheBuddha ago

You have horrible taste! ;-)

zyklon_b ago

you do the beer selecting when me n wr get there we will drink it

TheBuddha ago

Sounds like a plan.

We will start here:

La Fin du Monde

https://www.unibroue.com/en/our-beers/la-fin-monde/3

zyklon_b ago

never heard of it but looks good

TheBuddha ago

It's delicious.

zyklon_b ago

I bet!!!!!

22 minutes till miller time

TheBuddha ago

Not me. I did finally eat an opiate. I am in agony.

zyklon_b ago

was dumb move almost 3 days in bro

TheBuddha ago

Yeah but my retarded ass went hunting this morning. Sure, I got dragged in a sled, but I still did a fuck of a lot with the leg that I probably shouldn't have. So, I think I'll be okay.

zyklon_b ago

when u get here u can hunt from front or back porch and I aint exxagerating

TheBuddha ago

I can do that here, just not legally. I have moose and deer on my lawn, fairly regularly.

(I do shoot rabbits from the porch sometimes.)

zyklon_b ago

You aint gonna believe this but I cannot even kill a spider. I kill mosquitoes and ticks only. its a moral type thing where I gotta make up with kindness for all the hurt I caused.

TheBuddha ago

I pick up the spiders and take them outside, normally. There aren't many this time of the year. Everything is buttoned up in the winter.

zyklon_b ago

spiders still alive here

TheBuddha ago

Yeah, I've got snow. I've had snow since early October.

zyklon_b ago

its like 70 here

TheBuddha ago

It is 22 right now.

zyklon_b ago

I am shirtless drinkin on front porch

TheBuddha ago

What are you doing June 15th, 2019?

zyklon_b ago

whatever you need me be doin?

TheBuddha ago

I just ordered 8 tickets to see Ozzy on June 15th. 3 will be spoken for and I'm pretty sure I've got 3 more people I'll be taking with me.

We're going to be in the VIP section, of course.

Let's consider seeing if I'm well enough to entertain by then. Maybe you can fly up? (I can get you here, if you're too broke.)

WhiteRonin ago

I have to get in on Ozzy!

Over the Mountain!

All aboard!!!!!

@zyklon_b

TheBuddha ago

LOL If my health is good enough, I'm gonna fly him in and take him to a VIP experience to see Ozzy. If I'm able to entertain by then.

Hmm... I only bought 8 tickets. What are you doing that day? If it comes together, you can drive and pick 'em up!

WhiteRonin ago

Gonna be telling wifey I’m gonna go to a concert!

I used to play Ozzy tracks when I was flying through mountains in Japan. I had mix that almost timed my drive.

Crazy to start off the ride, war pigs for the hill climbs, over the mountain for over the mountain and flying high again for long fast straight sprints.

The speeds I was going would have landed me in jail. Deer would have lost their legs and their bodies would have have landed seconds behind me.

I’m not a rocket like ZB but dam his shit will always pump me up.

TheBuddha ago

LOL Make sure you're aware that it is VERY dependent on my health.

zyklon_b ago

I am here and was hoping you would chime in.

WhiteRonin ago

Fuck fuck fuck, I wish I had my 911. Wait no, I don’t! This is the US and I’d be a criminal with Ozzy playing.

WhiteRonin ago

Wife can’t refuse me this! Lol

zyklon_b ago

Naw dude its goin down regardless if im in pen ima break out for ozzy vip

zyklon_b ago

I am in for certain and im on welfare dude so yes I will be pretty broke!

TheBuddha ago

Oh, I can fly you right in. I have buddies with planes. We'll fly you in to Portland or Manchester and then we'll pick you up in a small plane and fly up to Rangeley.

It's not set in stone yet. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to entertain by then. But, if I'm able, I have a sneaky suspicion that you'd like to go to an Ozzy concert with me. We will not be even close to sober. We may even get backstage and shit.

Anyhow, keep it in mind. I have to get ready for tonight's guitar thread. It's almost that time.

zyklon_b ago

I am so happy thismis equal to winning the lottery as being a sabbath n -ozzy- fan dude. I am flipping the fuvk out!!

TheBuddha ago

LOL Don't get too excited yet, 'cause it depends a lot on my health.

zyklon_b ago

Dude you need to stay in bed and not go hunting or do shit but troll till you are healed

TheBuddha ago

LOL Next week, I go back to 3.5 hours of PT per day.

zyklon_b ago

my spider sense says its beer time!!!!

TheBuddha ago

LOL It's the guitar thread night. That will pick up speed in the next 20 minutes, maybe sooner.

I'm kinda tempted to have a drink. Hmm...

zyklon_b ago

drink up dude I half buzzed already the opioids and grass make the beer feel righteous

TheBuddha ago

LOL I am not sure if I want to drink. If I drink, I limit myself to the first floor. I don't do stairs while drinking and with a broken hip.

I can NOT fall.

zyklon_b ago

Dude stay downstairs, you living the dream so live it

TheBuddha ago

I have a 12 pack of Molson Ice in the fridge.

Hmm...

No, I am going to drink. I am going to have blueberry wine.

zyklon_b ago

I am 3rd quart can of miller and bout 6 th of day of tweakin mohicans 15mg roxis

TheBuddha ago

Sounds nice. EH has gone to get us two glasses and a bottle of wine. (I'll let her have a glass, even a second one if she wants it. It's legal and I have parental consent - as well as I need to teach her to drink responsibly if she's going to be in the music world. That's something she WILL NEED to know.)

zyklon_b ago

I got busted for cooking meth with this tweakers baby in the house but shit was dropped at court cause dude turned states and if I was convicted by default cause he was there the state would get his kid

TheBuddha ago

Yeah, in most circles I have been in, snitches don't come around after they've been caught snitching.

zyklon_b ago

Yeah he not around anymore had to move due to sharp things

TheBuddha ago

Ah good.

zyklon_b ago

its a scary situation to be n such a small community with some Michael myers motherfucker you done told on

TheBuddha ago

Yeah, I don't like snitches. I'd get wet for a rat. Yeah, me... I'd take that charge. There will be a beatdown.

zyklon_b ago

I aint willing to comment to the lengths of depravity one may or may not be wiling to go to

TheBuddha ago

The furthest I would go is a beatdown. I can handle a simple assault charge.

zyklon_b ago

I can handle life without parole or the death penalty preferably and that's just telling the truth, either way I am ending up same place in he end is how I reckon it be

TheBuddha ago

We are men because we do what we need to do.

zyklon_b ago

we do what we have to to do is how I justify doing what I have done.

TheBuddha ago

It's a good justification, sometimes.

zyklon_b ago

I aint got no guilt and know am goin to heaven so fuck em and anybody that looks like em, (deep if ya think bout it)

TheBuddha ago

I don't really have any regrets.

That pleases me.

TheBuddha ago

Can't click. Guitar thread. Got tracks to listen to. ;-)

zyklon_b ago

see ya tomorrow

TheBuddha ago

I am wearing a sweatshirt in the house, but no longer really cold. I ate 4mg of dillies. I also have to stay up a little late tonight - guitar thread. So, I'll eat one more just 'fore the thread kicks off!

Then, tomorrow back into the grind.

I don't think I'll stop completely, so much as I'll force myself to use seldom AND not with the bad behavior associated with it. I was eating them to get high, not to deal with pain.

zyklon_b ago

we will use together.

my pupils are like pennies O_O

TheBuddha ago

Sobriety is not an option!

zyklon_b ago

damn dude im so honored to be invited ty