I'm kind of at peace with it all these days.

I've taken on some interesting topics over the years, and almost had a full blown nervous meltdown over a few unexplained digital attacks on my home ip, which I directly attribute to my online activism. However, almost 12 months later and I have been neither suicided nor recruited.

My point is, clearly I'm either making connections that aren't there (pretty unlikely imo), or I am causing some trouble for someone. I used be fearful of that fact. I've recently come to peace with it all though. There nothing I could ever do to stop a hit squad, but I at least know this: I've caused less monetary damage to these people, than they would have to spend to even put surveillance on me, let alone kill me.

I guess deep down you have to have a bit of a death wish to be a true activist (the kind that go to protests, and stand face to face with riot cops), even though so few of them actually die. Cognitive dissonance and all that. Gotta reconcile those opposing ideas within your own head to be at peace with yourself, even if it means admitting that you'd have to be somewhat crazy to ever admit you oppose the status quo.

Also, I quit smoking soon after my IP-attack scare, and that did wonders for my anxiety/paranoia. There are plenty of other drugs (usually prescriptions) that cause massive paranoia, so maybe look into that if you take medications for ADD/eating disorders.

Try and relax man, your fears are not necessarily unfounded, but the fear and anxiety will only leave you less rested, and less ready to deal with any actually issues that come your way. Take some comfort in the fact that there's at least a dozen major activists in line for CIA treatment before you or I.